An inspiring and informative article from Fostering Families Today

“When you place teens and pre-teens for adoption, as my agency does, the young people we place simply assume at placement that it is a matter of time before they will be rejected yet again and ultimately kicked out of this new household. The newly placed youth usually proceeds cautiously to protect him or herself from the expected rejection he or she believes will occur soon by staying somewhat detached from the new family and by resisting getting close to the new family.”

How can adoptive parents of teens and pre-teens prove they are worth bonding to?  Click here to read Pat O’Brien’s article about the value of shared laughter, with specific tips to help cement relationships in your home.

Airing on PBS stations in the next few weeks are three films about adoption. Two are about international adoption, and one is about a young girl adopted in New York.  All deal with the issues of identity that are so poignant for adoptees.

Check your local PBS stations for information on when these will be aired in your area.  To view the trailers, please click on the following:

Wo Ai Ni (I love you) Mommy

What is it like to be torn from your Chinese foster family, put on a plane with strangers and wake up in a new country, family and culture? Stephanie Wang-Breal’s Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy is the story of Fang Sui Yong, an 8-year-old orphan, and the Sadowskys, the Long Island Jewish family that travels to China to adopt her.

Off and Running

Avery is one of three children adopted by a white Jewish lesbian couple in Brooklyn, New York. Though it may not look typical, Avery’s household is like most American homes — until Avery writes to her birth mother and the response throws her into crisis.

In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee (sequel to “First Person Plural”)

Her passport said she was Cha Jung Hee. She knew she was not. So began a 40-year deception for a Korean adoptee who came to the United States in 1966. Told to keep her true identity secret from her new American family, the 8-year-old girl quickly forgot she had ever been anyone else. But why had her identity been switched? And who was the real Cha Jung Hee?

Kinship Center “Wendy’s Wonderful Kids” Recruiters Change Lives.

Each month, some of the most challenging and hard-to-place foster children in California are finding their adoptive “forever family” through the efforts of Kinship Center family recruiters who work directly with the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, through the Wendy’s Wonderful Kids program.

The Foundation awards grants to select agencies like Kinship Center to undertake aggressive, focused recruitment for families who can make safe, loving, permanent homes for some of the nation’s hardest-to-place children: those who are older, those with extraordinary needs,  or those who come in sibling groups. 

Hear from some of these children on  a powerful video segment from Dave Thomas Foundation.

“Wendy’s Wonderful Kids is a proven program that demands results, accountability and quality service on behalf of the children who need us most,” says Rita Soronen, Executive Director of the Dave Thomas Foundation.

On any given day in the U.S., some 550,000 children are in the foster care system, and more than 150,000 are available for adoption. Kinship Center Wendy’s Wonderful Kids Recruiter Kim Felder has shepherded thousands of adolescents, sibling groups and children with severe medical disabilities into permanent homes during her 20-year career. She takes the time to know each waiting child and does exhaustive research to match those unique needs with the right family. Felder’s devotion to detail ensures a high level of success; in 2009 Felder was awarded the prestigious Congressional “Angels in Adoption” award for her effectiveness in improving children’s lives.

“I have been blessed to pursue my life’s goal of helping children obtain the right to a permanent, loving family,” she says. “I cannot think of anything more important or rewarding.”

A Recommendation by Kinship Center Wraparound Program Director Graham Wright, M.Phil, MSW

Songwriter/singer Mary Gauthier (pronounced Go-Shay) has a new album, The Foundling, that is an overtly autobiographical account of a child abandoned at birth who spent part of her childhood in an orphanage and who later ran away from her mismatched adoptive family and ended up in show business.

Gauthier searched for her birth parents late in life; the album’s track “March 11, 1962″ describes how she finally made phone contact with her birth mother, who refused to meet her. “The Foundling” tells how Mary has come through it all still believing in the power of love.

“We’re all looking for meaning in lives that contain no guarantees…my birth family and my adoptive family loved me the vesy best they could…”

Article by Nancy Murphy, MA, Director of Kinship Center’s Placement Programs, Central Coast and No CA

The adoption process is an exciting one, and a busy time in the life of expecting parents. You’ve been hustling around for months getting everything ready. But after all the paperwork has been submitted, the classes completed, the fingerprints cleared, and the home study beautifully crafted, it seems like there is nothing to do but wait!

Here are some tips on how to use this waiting period to take care of yourself:

1. Formalize your support network and make sure your everyone is ready and clear about what their role will be once your child comes home. You will need family, friends, church members, or others available to talk about your feelings, to support your decision to grow your family through adoption, and to offer respite when you need it. Your support network will be one of the greatest assets you have in building a successful adoption.

2. Attend support groups at your agency or online in order to gain a better understanding of what is ahead. Learn about some of the clinical issues your child may have. Take advantage of additional training you may need. Network with other foster and adoptive parents. Learn from other parents the importance of keeping a sense of humor during trying times. Discover resources that are available to your family once your child comes home.

3. Get your rest! You will need to be in tip top shape for your new infant or child or teen.

4. Read a parenting book. Become familiar with websites that will be easily accessible to you. Bookmark the most helpful pages.

5. Prepare and freeze a few extra meals for those days when you won’t have the energy to cook, but will need quality food.

6. Spend quality time with your partner to rejuvenate your relationship and talk about your family life to come.

7. Keep a journal of your thoughts and expectations so you can reflect later, and so you can share these thoughts with your child when you tell him or her (or them!) their adoption story. There will be nothing as powerful as notes in your own handwriting to convey the depth of your feelings about becoming your child’s parent.

There are multiple resources for you that can help ease the anxiety as you wait to become a parent. Take advantage of the knowledge your adoption professional has, and enjoy the many materials available in adoption magazines, on the Internet, and through other adoptive parents.

Kinship Center hopes you have a wonderful experience!

Post-Permanency Institute offers unique curriculum

A special Summer Institute presented by Kinship Center and hosted by the Center for Human Services at the University of California, Davis campus on August 9-11, 2010 will give child welfare and adoption services workers the practical knowledge and advanced skills to be able to support children after a move into foster care, and ultimately into a permanent home.

Both county and private agency professionals are invited to attend this three-day Institute that will: focus on reducing the long-term impact of moves on children and families, examine the effects of trauma on a child’s brain, understand the importance of previous attachments even when abuse and neglect have taken place, and much more.

Download the registration brochure here. The Institute is approved for 14 hours of continuing education by the Board of Behavioral Sciences.

July 12, 2010: Free workshop presented by Kinship Center Education Institute and Hartnell Community College

Former 27-year prison inmate Nelson Kowalkczyk has designed and implemented programs in prison, juvenile facilities and community centers that help parents and others understand criminal thinking errors in youth. On Monday, July 12, Kowalkczyk will present two workshops at Kinship Center headquarters in Salinas on techniques for identifying and changing criminal behavior.

Workshop #1: From 10:00 – 12:00, Kowalkczyk will talk with caregivers, parents and youth
Workshop #2: From 12:30 – 2:30 pm, Kowalkczyk will talk with professionals

Topics will include holding youth accountable for their actions, what to listen to (and not listen to) when youth are talking, defensive tactics that keep substance users from changing, the fear of losing face…and much more.

To pre-register for either free workshop, call (831) 443-0662, or click here for the registration form. Walk-ins will be accepted as room permits.

A resource recommended by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute.

A teleconference last month by the New York City Administration for Children’s Services, in partnership with Mt. Sinai School of Medicine and other partners, explored the effects of secondary trauma among child welfare staff because of the nature of their clients’ experiences.

“Secondary Trauma: Building Resilience among Child Welfare Staff” is now archived and available from the National Resource Center for Permanency and Family Connections. The teleconference also includes a review of an intervention designed to reduce secondary trauma and promote resilience.

Click here to access the teleconference, a PowerPoint, an annotated bibliography, and presenters’ contact information.

A Gen Y-er speaks out about the myths

As the current generation of nonprofit leaders throughout the country approaches retirement, there will be a scramble to find the next generation of leaders. Should these be seasoned professionals in their 40′s and 50′s, or should nonprofits be opening their minds and doors to young leaders?

Click here to read an articulate message from a Gen Y’er who believes three myths are preventing a qualified pool of young people from having opportunities to contribute at the highest levels.

Helping foster youth to beat the odds and achieve life’s dreams…one by one.

For children who grow to adulthood in foster care, without the love and support of a permanent family, the odds of success are slim. Many will join the ranks of the chronically unemployed, the homeless, the high school dropouts. A recent study found that within five years of reaching age 18, 80% of young men had been arrested and 75% of young women were pregnant. Fewer that 6% had earned a college degree.

A Kinship Center volunteer committee helps foster youth beat those odds with a caring hand and some specific support through fundraising dollars. Here’s a letter from a former foster youth who received mentoring and help from this committee to complete high school and gain university admission to pursue an interest in marine science.

“Dear Cypress Committee, Let me give you a little update…

I just recently completed my sophomore year at the university! The last course was actually a month-long travel course to Palau. The Republic of Palau is basically in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and I had the opportunity to study the jungle/marine ecosystems and ecology of the islands. I also learned about the Palaun culture, economy, politics, clan systems, etc.

One of my favorite parts of the course though was all of the activities that we did. I kayaked between many jungle infested islands, snorkeled above some of the most colorful coral gardens that the world has to offer (and saw basically every color fish you can think of). I also went scuba diving through some massive underwater caverns, saw countless amounts of sharks, turtles, hige schools of barracudas (also giant barracudas which are fierce and scary!), napoleon wrasses, jellyfish and so much more!

I also loved hiking through the jungle and finding Japanese bunkers and caves that were used during the bloody battle of Peleliu in WWII! Every day was absolutely incredible! Learning, exploring, adventuring, and experiencing anything is honestly what I am made for!

This summer I will be working with a Group Home as a child counselor…I am very excited for this summer…i feel that with all of my experiences I am getting closer to finding my true goals in life.

Toward the end of the summer, as a university Outdoor Program Trip Leader, i will be leading a First Year Journey (FYJ) backpacking trip to Havasu for incoming freshmen before orientation week. I will also be an Orientation Mentor. I will basically plan and facilitate activities for incoming new students. I did this last year and am very excited to do it again.

This fall I am enrolled in four classes. I was elected co-president for the Students for Environmental Action (SEA) club on campus. I am very excited for next year…it will be challenging and will require that I truly focus and apply myself, but I know that I am capable of doing great.

Thank you so much…for everything!”